2013년 11월 29일 금요일

About 'ground fedex'|On Shipping FedEx Ground to Canada







About 'ground fedex'|On Shipping FedEx Ground to Canada








Killing               someone               is               messy               business               but               somebody's               got               to               do               it.

Granted               it's               not               for               the               weak               of               heart               or               those               with               a               sensitive               stomach               but               it's               a               chore               all               the               same.

The               killing               part               isn't               all               that               hard,               it's               stashing               the               corpse               that               can               lead               to               ulcers               and               migraines.

The               next               time               you               set               out               to               murder               another               human               being               choose               one               of               these               simple               disposal               methods               instead               of               dumping               your               dead               bodies               in               the               dumpster.
               Feed               the               Fish               
               This               is               perhaps               one               of               my               favorite               methods               of               disposal.

It's               somewhat               messy               and               requires               planning               but               it               is               a               fool               proof               way               to               get               rid               of               the               evidence.

Body               bags               and               transport               pouches               will               not               be               needed.
               Once               your               victim               is               no               longer               breathing               drag               them               out               into               the               backyard.

Spread               a               tarp               on               the               ground,               preferably               a               big               black               tarp,               and               plug               in               your               industrial               sized               wood               chipper.

Vecoplan               makes               some               nice               ones.

Feed               the               body               into               the               chipper.

Beware               of               flying               chunks               of               flesh               and               spraying               blood.
               Make               sure               that               the               flesh               mulch               is               spewed               onto               the               tarp               or               into               an               appropriate               sized               container.

Body               parts               should               be               mulched               small               enough               as               not               to               be               recognizable.
               Once               all               body               parts               have               been               turned               into               mulch,               you'll               want               to               use               an               antibacterial               cleaner               that               contains               a               lot               of               bleach               to               clean               out               the               inside               and               outside               of               the               wood               chipper.
               Then               simply               gather               the               murder               victim's               mulched               body               parts               and               head               out               to               a               lake               or               even               better               an               ocean,               if               you               happen               to               have               a               boat,               all               the               better.

Spread               the               body               parts               on               the               water               and               let               the               fish               gobble               it               up.

No               one               will               ever               know               what               happened               to               the               body.

Water               that               has               sharks               or               other               flesh               eating               fish               is               best.
               Serve               Your               Fellow               Man               
               When               it               comes               to               removing               a               dead               body,               getting               rid               of               all               the               body               parts               is               crucial.

Use               the               bathtub               for               minimal               mess               when               chopping               up               the               body.

Sharp               knives,               hacksaws               and               axes               work               best               for               dismemberment.

Throw               a               dinner               party               and               serve               your               victim               to               your               guests.

Leg               bones               make               excellent               stock               for               soups               and               stews.

Any               left               over               bones               can               be               fed               to               the               dogs               or               baked               until               they               can               be               crumbled               up               and               spread               around               a               garden               later.
               To               prepare               human               flesh               for               cooking               you'll               need               to               purchase               a               top               quality               meat               grinder               as               well               as               other               common               cooking               utensils.

If               you               can               get               your               hands               on               the               kind               butcher               shops               use,               that               would               be               most               desirable.

When               money               is               the               problem               rob               your               victim               first               and               use               their               money               to               buy               your               tools.

You               might               even               find               a               meat               grinder               at               Target               pretty               cheap.
               For               quick               and               simple               appetizers               try               this               recipe.
               Ingrediants:               
               1               pound               ground               human               butt               meat               
               ½               teaspoon               Horseradish               sauce               
               2/3               cup               cream               cheese               
               dash               of               Worchester               sauce               
               4               oz               chopped               pimentos               
               1               package               ritz               crackers.
               Directions:               
               Mix               together               the               butt               mean,               horseradish,               cream               cheese,               Worchester               sauce               and               pimentos.

Chill               for               several               hours               and               serve               on               ritz               crackers.
               Consider               Taxidermy               
               Why               bother               with               buying               expensive               hand               crafted               Italian               Caskets               and               when               you               can               get               rid               of               the               body               in               a               more               effective               way.

Besides               funerals               are               expensive               and               someone               is               bound               to               ask               why               you               are               burying               someone               nobody               knew               was               dead.

Instead,               become               best               friends               with               a               taxidermist.

Get               them               tangled               up               in               the               murder               so               that               they               have               no               alternative               but               to               help               get               rid               of               the               body.

If               you               have               to               you               can               always               kill               the               taxidermist               later,               after               he's               stuffed               your               victim's               body.

Try               to               convince               him               or               her               to               create               a               new               face               for               your               victim               so               that               it               is               no               longer               distinguishable               as               the               person               you               killed.

At               Christmas               time               dress               the               deceased               as               Santa.

The               grandkids               will               love               that.

For               Halloween               make               the               dead               one               of               your               lawn               props               and               at               Easter               time               put               it               inside               a               giant               bunny               costume.

The               rest               of               the               year               your               stuffed               body               can               serve               as               a               coat               rack               by               your               front               door               or               dressed               in               armor,               it               makes               cool               décor               for               your               house.

Kill               twenty               or               so               people               and               you'll               have               a               interesting               collection.
               Make               Use               of               the               Postal               System               
               This               method               involves               more               chopping               and               a               ton               of               ziplock               baggies.

All               you               have               to               do               is               chop               the               body               up               into               a               zillion               tiny               pieces.

Put               equal               amounts               of               body               parts               in               ziplock               baggies               until               there               is               no               more               parts.

Then               using               FedEx               or               UPS               mail               all               the               body               parts               to               people               you               don't               know.

Whatever               you               do,               don't               use               your               own               address               on               the               return               portion               of               the               mailing               label,               use               someone               else's.

Don't               forget               to               clean               up               when               you               are               through.
               Last               but               not               least               here               are               a               few               tips               for               you               killers               who               are               missing               more               than               a               few               brain               cells.
               Tips               for               Stupid               Murderers
               Never               bury               your               victims;               they               have               a               way               of               getting               dug               up.

Leaving               the               body               behind               is               just               bad               form.

Always               use               rubber               or               latex               gloves               when               you               do               the               deed               and               remember               to               clean               up.

Double               check,               triple               check               and               quadruple               check               for               blood               drops               and               hair               fibers.

Committing               murder               in               your               own               home               is               sure               to               get               you               caught.

FYI               -               Guns               make               loud               noises               and               so               do               your               victim's               screams.

Sharpen               the               knife               first               you               idiot.

Telling               people               what               you               did               is               a               really               stupid               thing               to               do,               forget               going               to               confession.

Everyone               knows               you               can't               hide               a               dead               body               in               a               suitcase;               it               will               start               to               smell.

*Note               to               idiots;               this               article               is               written               for               the               sole               purpose               of               amusement.

It               is               not               a               real               how               to               guide.

If               you               do               find               yourself               disposing               of               a               dead               body               do               not               refer               to               this               article               when               you               tell               the               police               how               you               did               it.

The               advice               offered               in               this               story               is               purely               fictional               and               satirical               in               nature               and               is               not               intended               to               be               taken               seriously.





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    If               you               understand               what               an               electronic               application               system               is,               then               you               only               need               to               answer               one               question:               Business               owners               and               managers,               would               you               like               the               HR               staff               to               act               as               strategic               partners               and               help               you               exceed               your               operational               goals?
                   Human               Resources               professionals,               would               you               like               to               remove               yourself               from               the               stacks               of               paperwork               and               concentrate               on               issues               that               matter?
                   Implementing               an               electronic               application               system               is               one               of               the               fastest               ways               to               streamline               business               processes               and               expand               the               responsibilities               of               the               Human               Resources               department.

    As               demonstrated               below,               an               electronic               application               system               saves               time,               saves               money,               reduces               errors,               and               increases               compliance.
                   What               Is               an               Electronic               Application               System?
                   Most               large               businesses               already               possess               an               electronic               application               system.

    It               is               referred               to               by               different               names               at               different               companies,               such               as               the               online               application               system,               applicant               tracking               system,               e-recruiting               software,               or               talent               management               system.
                   No               matter               the               name,               the               central               purpose               of               the               electronic               application               system               is               to               store               and               track               job               applicant               data               for               the               Human               Resources               department.

    In               most               cases,               applicants               enter               their               information               into               a               web               form,               which               is               then               stored               in               a               database               for               future               retrieval,               querying,               and               reporting.

    The               electronic               application               system               may               be               a               stand-alone               module,               or               it               may               be               part               of               a               complete               suite               of               Human               Resources               Management               software               that               links               employee               appraisals,               disciplinary               action,               training,               and               payroll.

    Popular               applicant               tracking               software               includes               iCIMS,               CATS,               Zoho               Recruit,               Jobscience,               Kronos,               and               Newton.
                   If               you               already               owe               a               customer               relationship               management               (CRM)               system               or               Human               Resources               Information               Systems               (HRIS)               software,               you               may               be               able               to               purchase               a               compatible               employment               application               module               from               your               current               vendor.

    Examples               include               Peoplesoft,               Salesforce,               and               Microsoft               Dynamics               CRM.
                   The               Importance               of               Effective               Applicant               Tracking
                   A               2004               survey               by               Mercer               Human               Resource               Consulting               identified               that               69%               of               HR               professionals               considered               their               recruiting/applicant-tracking               processes               to               be               ineffective.

    These               staffing               experts               complained               that               they               were               spending               too               much               time               on               transactional               record-keeping               and               not               enough               time               on               important               business               matters.
                   While               many               circumstances               have               changed               since               2004,               the               issue               of               identifying,               recruiting,               and               tracking               qualified               applicants               is               still               a               critical               concern               for               most               employers.

    An               electronic               application               system               can               transform               the               traditional               approach               to               recruiting               into               an               efficient,               effective,               data-backed               process.
                   1.

    Saves               time
                   One               of               the               primary               advantages               that               sprouts               from               an               electronic               application               system               is               times               savings.

    In               the               past,               changing               a               single               question               on               a               job               application               meant               rewriting               the               information,               reformatting               it               on               a               Microsoft               Word               document,               and               reprinting               the               file               numerous               times               on               a               desktop               printer               or               sending               it               off               to               FedEx               Office.

    With               an               electronic               application               system,               in               less               than               a               minute               the               wording               can               be               changed               right               on               the               Internet,               the               new               question               is               available               instantaneously               for               applicants,               and               no               unnecessary               printing               costs               are               incurred.
                   Many               electronic               application               systems               also               offer               the               benefit               of               automatic               screening,               which               means               that               unqualified               applicants               can               be               rejected               without               wasting               time               on               manual               reviews.

    For               instance,               if               you               designate               that               a               Bachelor's               degree               is               required,               anyone               possessing               an               Associate's               degree               or               less               is               dropped               out               of               the               applicant               pool.

    This               feature               alone               can               chop               a               substantial               amount               of               wasted               time               from               the               recruiting               process,               as               people               who               are               just               applying               to               any               job               they               see               are               automatically               screened               out               and               dismissed.
                   A               third               time-saving               component               built               into               most               applicant               trackers               is               on-demand               reporting.

    Hiring               managers               can               immediately               access               the               details               they               need,               while               the               HR               department               can               track               the               characteristics               of               successful               employees               and               forecast               the               organization's               recruiting               needs.

    Employees               can               use               the               standard               reports               that               come               with               the               software               or               customize               their               own.

    They               can               also               redirect               the               time               they               save               on               manual               work               to               strategic               Human               Resources               activities.
                   2.

    Saves               money
                   Due               to               the               informal               law               of               business,               any               savings               in               time               also               produces               a               savings               in               money.

    Do               you               realize               that               recruiting               costs               can               reach               as               high               as               30%               of               the               employee's               first               year               salary,               not               including               the               additional               training               expense?

    As               previously               mentioned,               an               electronic               application               process               slashes               printing               costs,               but               it               also               uses               automation               to               eliminate               inefficient               processes               and               wasted               time.

    Why               pay               the               Human               Resources               department               to               perform               tasks               that               technology               can               do               for               them?
                   By               using               an               electronic               application               system,               the               HR               staff               can               also               avoid               unnecessary               follow-up               phone               calls,               an               expense               benefit               that               is               discussed               below.
                   3.

    Reduces               errors
                   In               most               paper               application               processes,               the               applicant               scribbles               information               into               tiny               boxes,               sends               the               application               through               the               mail,               and               waits               for               the               Human               Resources               representative               to               interpret               the               phone               number               that               was               written               and               call               for               an               interview.

    Alternately,               if               the               application               is               last               minute,               the               applicant               may               drop               off               the               required               documents               during               business               hours.

    If               none               of               the               staff               can               read               the               phone               number,               they               may               attempt               contact               via               the               email               address               or               merely               shred               the               application,               thereby               discarding               a               potentially               good               candidate.
                   With               an               electronic               application               process,               the               applicant               types               the               contact               and               resume               information               into               a               web               form,               which               means               the               details               are               always               legible.

    The               form               can               also               use               error-handling               to               require               valid               information.

    Consequently               the               application               will               not               be               submitted               until               phone               numbers               have               ten               digits,               birthdates               are               formatted               in               month-day-year               order,               proper               names               are               capitalized,               and               the               employment               history               has               no               unexplained               gaps.

    Because               the               form               is               online,               it               can               be               accessed               24/7               by               both               applicants               and               business               staff.

    The               office               does               not               need               to               be               open               in               order               to               attract               employment               requests               from               excellent               candidates.
                   Since               many               electronic               application               systems               are               also               integrated               into               employee-centered               software,               staff               members               avoid               duplicate               data               entry               and               typos.

    They               no               longer               have               to               track               every               detail               in               a               Microsoft               Excel               spreadsheet               and               risk               mistakes               or               computer               crashes.

    After               an               applicant               is               hired,               contact               information               can               be               disseminated               to               other               areas               of               the               company               electronically               without               manual               intervention.
                   4.

    Increases               compliance
                   The               final               benefit               arising               from               electronic               application               systems               is               increased               compliance               with               reduced               effort.

    Staying               compliant               with               all               national,               state,               and               local               regulations               is               a               critical               issue               in               any               employment               practice.

    Most               employment               software               vendors               provide               regular               updates               on               federal               regulation               changes,               and               modifications               at               the               state               or               local               level               can               be               accomplished               through               on-demand               edits.
                   Because               applicant               information               is               submitted               electronically,               a               robust               system               can               safeguard               data               from               employee               accidents,               loss,               and               destruction.

    In               addition,               since               the               information               is               presented               in               a               quality               format               from               the               applicant,               it               can               be               relied               upon               for               Equal               Employment               Opportunity               Commission               purposes.

    An               electronic               application               system               also               minimizes               litigation               expenses               by               permitting               you               to               prepare               for               and               prevent               accusations               of               unfairness               and               other               recruiting-related               lawsuits.
                   In               summary,               an               electronic               application               process               can               move               your               organization               forward               and               present               new               opportunities               for               technological               and               people-based               growth.

    Instead               of               focusing               on               minutiae               and               dealing               with               low-level               transactions,               the               Human               Resources               department               can               concentrate               on               strategic               business               objectives.

    Implementing               an               electronic               application               system               will               save               time,               save               money,               reduce               errors,               increase               compliance,               and               change               the               way               you               do               business.






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