2013년 11월 29일 금요일

About 'ground fedex'|On Shipping FedEx Ground to Canada







About 'ground fedex'|On Shipping FedEx Ground to Canada








Killing               someone               is               messy               business               but               somebody's               got               to               do               it.

Granted               it's               not               for               the               weak               of               heart               or               those               with               a               sensitive               stomach               but               it's               a               chore               all               the               same.

The               killing               part               isn't               all               that               hard,               it's               stashing               the               corpse               that               can               lead               to               ulcers               and               migraines.

The               next               time               you               set               out               to               murder               another               human               being               choose               one               of               these               simple               disposal               methods               instead               of               dumping               your               dead               bodies               in               the               dumpster.
               Feed               the               Fish               
               This               is               perhaps               one               of               my               favorite               methods               of               disposal.

It's               somewhat               messy               and               requires               planning               but               it               is               a               fool               proof               way               to               get               rid               of               the               evidence.

Body               bags               and               transport               pouches               will               not               be               needed.
               Once               your               victim               is               no               longer               breathing               drag               them               out               into               the               backyard.

Spread               a               tarp               on               the               ground,               preferably               a               big               black               tarp,               and               plug               in               your               industrial               sized               wood               chipper.

Vecoplan               makes               some               nice               ones.

Feed               the               body               into               the               chipper.

Beware               of               flying               chunks               of               flesh               and               spraying               blood.
               Make               sure               that               the               flesh               mulch               is               spewed               onto               the               tarp               or               into               an               appropriate               sized               container.

Body               parts               should               be               mulched               small               enough               as               not               to               be               recognizable.
               Once               all               body               parts               have               been               turned               into               mulch,               you'll               want               to               use               an               antibacterial               cleaner               that               contains               a               lot               of               bleach               to               clean               out               the               inside               and               outside               of               the               wood               chipper.
               Then               simply               gather               the               murder               victim's               mulched               body               parts               and               head               out               to               a               lake               or               even               better               an               ocean,               if               you               happen               to               have               a               boat,               all               the               better.

Spread               the               body               parts               on               the               water               and               let               the               fish               gobble               it               up.

No               one               will               ever               know               what               happened               to               the               body.

Water               that               has               sharks               or               other               flesh               eating               fish               is               best.
               Serve               Your               Fellow               Man               
               When               it               comes               to               removing               a               dead               body,               getting               rid               of               all               the               body               parts               is               crucial.

Use               the               bathtub               for               minimal               mess               when               chopping               up               the               body.

Sharp               knives,               hacksaws               and               axes               work               best               for               dismemberment.

Throw               a               dinner               party               and               serve               your               victim               to               your               guests.

Leg               bones               make               excellent               stock               for               soups               and               stews.

Any               left               over               bones               can               be               fed               to               the               dogs               or               baked               until               they               can               be               crumbled               up               and               spread               around               a               garden               later.
               To               prepare               human               flesh               for               cooking               you'll               need               to               purchase               a               top               quality               meat               grinder               as               well               as               other               common               cooking               utensils.

If               you               can               get               your               hands               on               the               kind               butcher               shops               use,               that               would               be               most               desirable.

When               money               is               the               problem               rob               your               victim               first               and               use               their               money               to               buy               your               tools.

You               might               even               find               a               meat               grinder               at               Target               pretty               cheap.
               For               quick               and               simple               appetizers               try               this               recipe.
               Ingrediants:               
               1               pound               ground               human               butt               meat               
               ½               teaspoon               Horseradish               sauce               
               2/3               cup               cream               cheese               
               dash               of               Worchester               sauce               
               4               oz               chopped               pimentos               
               1               package               ritz               crackers.
               Directions:               
               Mix               together               the               butt               mean,               horseradish,               cream               cheese,               Worchester               sauce               and               pimentos.

Chill               for               several               hours               and               serve               on               ritz               crackers.
               Consider               Taxidermy               
               Why               bother               with               buying               expensive               hand               crafted               Italian               Caskets               and               when               you               can               get               rid               of               the               body               in               a               more               effective               way.

Besides               funerals               are               expensive               and               someone               is               bound               to               ask               why               you               are               burying               someone               nobody               knew               was               dead.

Instead,               become               best               friends               with               a               taxidermist.

Get               them               tangled               up               in               the               murder               so               that               they               have               no               alternative               but               to               help               get               rid               of               the               body.

If               you               have               to               you               can               always               kill               the               taxidermist               later,               after               he's               stuffed               your               victim's               body.

Try               to               convince               him               or               her               to               create               a               new               face               for               your               victim               so               that               it               is               no               longer               distinguishable               as               the               person               you               killed.

At               Christmas               time               dress               the               deceased               as               Santa.

The               grandkids               will               love               that.

For               Halloween               make               the               dead               one               of               your               lawn               props               and               at               Easter               time               put               it               inside               a               giant               bunny               costume.

The               rest               of               the               year               your               stuffed               body               can               serve               as               a               coat               rack               by               your               front               door               or               dressed               in               armor,               it               makes               cool               décor               for               your               house.

Kill               twenty               or               so               people               and               you'll               have               a               interesting               collection.
               Make               Use               of               the               Postal               System               
               This               method               involves               more               chopping               and               a               ton               of               ziplock               baggies.

All               you               have               to               do               is               chop               the               body               up               into               a               zillion               tiny               pieces.

Put               equal               amounts               of               body               parts               in               ziplock               baggies               until               there               is               no               more               parts.

Then               using               FedEx               or               UPS               mail               all               the               body               parts               to               people               you               don't               know.

Whatever               you               do,               don't               use               your               own               address               on               the               return               portion               of               the               mailing               label,               use               someone               else's.

Don't               forget               to               clean               up               when               you               are               through.
               Last               but               not               least               here               are               a               few               tips               for               you               killers               who               are               missing               more               than               a               few               brain               cells.
               Tips               for               Stupid               Murderers
               Never               bury               your               victims;               they               have               a               way               of               getting               dug               up.

Leaving               the               body               behind               is               just               bad               form.

Always               use               rubber               or               latex               gloves               when               you               do               the               deed               and               remember               to               clean               up.

Double               check,               triple               check               and               quadruple               check               for               blood               drops               and               hair               fibers.

Committing               murder               in               your               own               home               is               sure               to               get               you               caught.

FYI               -               Guns               make               loud               noises               and               so               do               your               victim's               screams.

Sharpen               the               knife               first               you               idiot.

Telling               people               what               you               did               is               a               really               stupid               thing               to               do,               forget               going               to               confession.

Everyone               knows               you               can't               hide               a               dead               body               in               a               suitcase;               it               will               start               to               smell.

*Note               to               idiots;               this               article               is               written               for               the               sole               purpose               of               amusement.

It               is               not               a               real               how               to               guide.

If               you               do               find               yourself               disposing               of               a               dead               body               do               not               refer               to               this               article               when               you               tell               the               police               how               you               did               it.

The               advice               offered               in               this               story               is               purely               fictional               and               satirical               in               nature               and               is               not               intended               to               be               taken               seriously.





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